An Obituary

Born in a Chinese factory, made with bits of plastic and silicone from around the world, my Nokia cell phone died quickly and painlessly at approximately 4:30 pm yesterday--April 30th, 2008.

I turned on my bike near Angel Tube Station in London, when the phone flew out of my pocket and directly under the wheel of a bus. A kind passer-by attempted CPR, but several important internal organs were crushed during the accident. There was no hope.

A public memorial service will be held in Abney Cemetary, Stoke Newington, at 2pm on May 2.